


Let's Just Live

by Psyga315



Series: Remembering Fluttershy [2]
Category: My Little Pony: Equestria Girls
Genre: Coping, Cross-Posted on FiMFiction.net, F/M, Grief/Mourning, OC has PTSD, POV Second Person, Post-Loss, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Sad, Suicide Attempt, Therapist Starlight Glimmer, Therapy, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2018-02-20
Packaged: 2018-09-24 03:42:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9698024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Psyga315/pseuds/Psyga315
Summary: It had been a few months since Fluttershy died in a tragic car accident. Things have changed for the better though. Speed bumps were added around CHS, more people began to care about the animal shelter that Fluttershy had promoted to hell and back, and it seemed that everyone has made peace with her passing.So why do you still feel like it's only been yesterday that you lost her? Perhaps it's because Valentine's is coming up and you have no one to go with. Perhaps you have an empty hole in your heart that needs to be filled pronto. Or perhaps the trauma from losing her and seeing her body be taken away by paramedics still lingered on inside you.Whatever the case may be, your friends will be there to help you out and there'll be a piece of advice that will be prominent as the days go on: Let's just live, day by day, and not be conquered by our sorrows.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Remembering Fluttershy](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/312198) by Lucy-tan. 



_“There are wounds that are never going to be totally healed.”_

“Girls, it’s Anon again.” Sunset brought up the urgent news to the girls as they sat at Pinkie’s living room. The girls all nodded. They knew that it was inevitable thanks to a certain holiday coming up.

“Yeah, I’ve been noticing him being down again.” Pinkie Pie said.

“I feared this would happen.” Rainbow Dash sighed as she flipped her phone open. Sure enough, it was February 10th, just four days until Valentine’s Day.

“It’s become rather noticeable when the topic of the Valentine’s Day dance comes about.” Rarity said. Applejack merely looked down.

“How long are we gonna keep doing this?” Applejack asked. “It’s been _months_ now! Surely he’s over it!”

“Not all wounds heal in time.” Sunset said. “Some need a light touch.”

“So what? We can’t just keep pampering him every time he feels a little upset.” Applejack said. She then glared at Sunset. “Say, if there’s a Twilight in that pony world, then surely there’s a Fluttershy too. Why don’t we just-”

“That’s a whole can of worms that we’ll be opening. Who knows what the consequences will be.” Sunset said.

“We can just set it up to be a one on one session. Tell that world’s Fluttershy to tell Anon to get over her. Seems the only way he’ll be happy is if he hears it straight from the horse’s mouth.” Applejack then paused and blushed. “No pun intended.”

“Again, there’s a whole lot of things that need to be handled. For one, Fluttershy would have to adjust to the world much like how Twilight did. Second, if Anon found out about there being another Fluttershy, there’d be a chance that he’ll try to follow her, and I doubt Twilight would want to handle a human turned pony in her world. And thirdly…” Sunset took a moment to fully grasp the next problem. “She has to be told that her world’s version was killed.” Everyone took a moment to frown and sigh before Sunset continued. “That can be a shock to anyone involved.” Sunset said.

“Mmmmn…” Applejack just leaned back.

“It’s a good idea, but I don’t want to risk anything going awry.” Sunset said.

“So what do we do? Nothing?” That’s when their own Twilight spoke up. The girls turned to Twilight. Usually when it came to these meetings about Anon, Twilight was the silent type, always just going with the flow. Now? Sunset could feel a strong aura inside Twilight, one that was similar to the Twilight she once confronted in the Fall Formal. “Our options are to either risk destroying not just his mind but the mind of another universe’s Fluttershy just to give him a sappy speech about moving on or just give yet another big hug to him and hope _that_ Band-Aid sticks for longer than a few weeks.” Twilight said.

“Well, do you have any better ideas?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Yeah. I’m gonna do what I should have done long ago: take him to see a shrink.” Twilight said. The girls scratched their heads as Twilight rolled her eyes. “His problem is that he lost a friend. That’s a common problem that everyone faces. It’s not something like ‘I became a demon and lusted for power’ or ‘my camp councillor tried to murder me and my friends over the fact that her rent was due’. This is ‘my friend got killed in a car accident and I can’t progress without thinking about it’. A shrink could fix this within a few sessions.” Twilight said.

“Twilight, I appreciate the idea, but I don’t want him to risk spilling the beans on stuff like magic.” Sunset said.

“Well, it’s either that or we let him bottle up these emotions and then when he comes across the next magical artifact from that Equestria place you keep yammering on about, because let’s face it, we’ll definitely come across one within six months, he’ll let himself be corrupted by it and nearly put the whole school in mortal peril for the fourth time, then when we inevitably beat him, we’ll have to tackle a whole _new_ problem of talking down a depressed kid who became a demon and nearly killed all his friends in a fit of madness induced rage!” Twilight’s voice became higher and higher until it reached a breaking point and became outright shouting. When she finished speaking, the entire room went silent. She then adjusted her glasses.

“… Sorry. I… I just don’t want to risk him going through what I went through… What _you_ went through.” She said to Sunset. She frowned, but nodded.

“… I understand.” She lowered her head.

“I know a therapist who is actually really nice. She helped me ever since I got back from Camp Everfree and since then, I’ve been better about my self-esteem. If anyone can fix Anon, it’s her.” Twilight said.

“Well, I’ll trust you to go help Anon.” Sunset said. With that, Twilight got out her phone and dialed a number.

“Hey, Anon, it’s me, Twilight. You doin’ anything tonight?” Twilight paused for a bit. “Well, I’m going to see Dr. Glimmer tonight and I was wondering if you’d like to come.” Another pause. “Perfect! See ya then!” She hung up. “Well, I got him. Hopefully Dr. Glimmer will be able to help him.” With that, Twilight left.

“Aaaaw, Twilight’s going on a date with Anon…” Rarity said. Pinkie gave Rarity a glare.

“I wouldn’t say it’s a date…” Pinkie said.

“Date… That’s it!” Sunset said.

“What’s it?” Applejack asked.

“We set Anon up on a date! If losing a loved one made up depressed, perhaps giving him a new one would _not_ make him depressed!” Sunset said.

“So what? We’re just telling Anon ‘don’t worry, we’ll get you a new girlfriend’? Sounds kinda sketchy.” Rainbow Dash said.

“No. We’re not gonna make it blatant. We just need to find someone that Anon wouldn’t mind hanging out with, pair them up, and then wait for the fireworks to go off. Even if Anon doesn’t want to date his mystery girl, he might end up being happy enough to get over Fluttershy.” Sunset said.

“I say that’s a wonderful idea.” Rarity said.

“… The question is, who’s gonna be this mystery woman?” Applejack asked.

“Well, Twilight’s a safe bet.” Sunset said. That’s when Pinkie stood up.

“Oh no! It’s my job to make sure Nonny’s happy, and by God am I gonna make him happy!” Pinkie said. She then took out her phone and wrote up several texts. “Good thing I have an open schedule tomorrow. Gonna set up the best date ever!” Pinkie Pie then left, rattling on about what to do with Anon.

“I guess the meeting’s adjourned.” Sunset said. With that, she got up. Rainbow Dash then spoke up.

“Well, Anon’s coming to my games now, so he’s improving.” She said. Applejack just frowned, tipped over her hat and said:

“I just hope this time will be the last time we have to do this.” Applejack said.


	2. Like A Fairy Tale

Your phone began to buzz to life as you got out of your science class. Flipping the phone open, you saw Pinkie’s text telling you to meet in the bleachers after school. At the same time, you saw Twilight’s text telling you to meet an hour afterwards. With a sigh, you texted both of them and told the both of them to meet you at the bleachers.

* * *

As you awaited at the bleachers, you saw some of the soccer players. It had been a while since they put on the butterfly patch on their uniforms and now it seemed as though it was part of the uniform rather than some promotional thing.

It made you smile, although somewhat bitterly. You remembered not going to the games after they added the pattern. It seemed silly, but you had a reason for why you didn’t go. You just didn’t want to be reminded of…

That’s when a soccer ball fell onto your feet. You looked up and saw a girl in front of you. You rarely seen her and you couldn’t for the life of you know why. She had long hair colored in two streaks: gray and pink. It almost reminded you of candy. She had a big red bow at the back of her head and, along with the uniform, had one of those red rubber wristbands around her left arm.

“Um… Can you pass that back to me?” You froze, if only because her tone reminded you so much of her. After a moment, you shook yourself and lightly kicked it back to her. “Thank you!” You sighed.

“Sup, Nonny!” You jumped at Pinkie Pie’s voice, landing on the other side of the bench. She proceeded to grab you, pushing you onto the bench while she kicked up her legs. She nuzzled her head into your shoulder. “How are you doing!?” She asked.

“Erm… Fine?” You said, unsure how to respond.

“Hey, I just want to let you know that I’ll do anything to make you smile.” She said as she grinned at you. You smiled back.

“You’re already doing it…” You felt her soft cheek as she sheepishly giggled. Truth be told, Pinkie had been visiting you quite a bit since Fluttershy died. Perhaps she wanted to see you be happy and break you out of your funk. Well, she seemed to have done just that. You felt happy with her presence.

“Anon!” You heard Twilight’s voice and turned around to see her. “Hey there. I have someone for you to meet.” She then looked to you and Pinkie. “Am… Am I interrupting anything?” She asked. Pinkie got off of you and shook her head.

“Nah. I just was telling Nonny here a joke.” She said. You nodded as well, not sure why she was covering her trail. You got up.

“Alright… But, Twi… If this is a girl, then I’m not sure if I can…” You muttered, though Twilight patted you on the shoulder.

“Don’t worry about it. Come, let’s go…” Twilight said. You then followed her to where she’d take you:

* * *

The therapist’s office. It seemed quite drab, all things considered. The beige wallpaper mixed with the brown couch and chair seemed to just suck the joy you had from seeing Pinkie away from you. You were sitting on the foldout chair while Twilight spoke to her therapist, Starlight Glimmer.

You know a bit of her. She was a renowned therapist who Cadance recommended to Twilight shortly after Twilight told them that she’d been having nightmares of her experience at the Friendship Games. After a few sessions with her, she seemed right as rain. You tuned out the conversation, which is why you got to a start when Starlight asked _you_ to sit on the couch after Twilight got off.

“Erm… Okay…” You said to them as you hopped onto the chair.

“How are you with your friends?” Starlight asked you.

“F-fine… I guess. I really like them. They’re very nice.” You said.

“Can you describe them to me?” She asked.

“W-well… Applejack’s really big, though she’s nice when you get to know her. Rainbow Dash’s cool, almost like a big sister, Rarity’s… eh, she’s fancy and all that, but she is generous. Pinkie Pie’s pretty much my best friend. She’s always fun. Twilight’s nice and can take some time to know her. Sunset’s really the glue that binds us together, though. She’s been a great help to me ever since… Ever since…” Twilight knew why you were hesitating, and telling from her frown, so did Starlight.

“Now do you know why you’re here?” She asked you.

“… Yes…” You began to cry. Much like before, you were forced to confront the problem in your life:

Fluttershy, your girlfriend, is dead.

“I know how much it hurts to lose someone you love… I lost _my_ friend when I was around ten.” Starlight placed her hand on your head, brushing through your hair.

“Starlight… I didn’t know…” Twilight frowned before Starlight shook her head.

“No worries. It’s in the past now.” You saw Starlight shed a tear.

“I… I know I shouldn’t be dwelling on this… But… It still hurts…” Your voice cracked and winced every time you finished your sentence. You could see Twilight feel hurt with each cry you hold back.

“Wounds do that sometimes. I still feel pain from losing my friend.” She said.

“Can… can you just give me a pill and make me bury this? I don’t want to drag my friends down just because I’m upset…” You said. Starlight shook her head.

“I’m afraid it’s not that easy. Sure, you’re able to take a pill, but it’s just gonna delay the pain. To fully fix it, you need to get to the root of the problem. _Why_ are you in pain? _Why_ are you upset? You made peace with Fluttershy’s death from what I heard from Twilight, but it still hurts you, right?” She asked.

“Yeah…” You said. She took out a pad and wrote it down.

“I’m going to schedule a full session with you sometime next week. There, we can discuss in full detail about your grief and what we can do about it. Is that okay?” She asked you.

“Yeah… I want to be over this yesterday.” You said.

“Perfect. I’ll see you on the 16th.” She said.

“Thank you, Dr. Glimmer.” You said.

“Please, call me Starlight.” She said.

“O-okay.” You said. You left as you heard Twilight thank the therapist as well.

* * *

You walked down the scenic route with Twilight, past a small park where people usually hang out on romantic dates. You kept your eyes glued to the ground, remembering how you used to go on a date with Fluttershy at this very place.

“Anon, I’m sorry for dropping Dr. Glimmer on you, but-” Twilight tried to talk to you, but you spoke up.

“I know. It’s for my own good. Is it really that obvious that I haven’t moved on?” You asked. You then bumped into someone.

“Omph! So-sorry!” You recognized the voice. You looked up, finally seeing the beautiful white field. You looked on the hill that you and Fluttershy had a picnic on and in front of it… “O-oh! You’re the guy who gave me the ball!” That student from the soccer field.

“Oh hey,” you chuckled, “what a coincidence.”

“Yeah…” She blushed before looking at your general direction. “Thank you for before… My name is Angel Wings.” She extended her hand to you.

“Anon Y. Mous.” You said.

“Y-you wouldn’t happen to be related to that Anon-A-Miss person from a while back, right?” She asked. You shuddered as you remembered that awful incident from the holidays. Some user, later revealed to be Applejack’s sister, exposed a lot of secrets of students and pretty much caused an in-school war to erupt. You were caught in the crossfire thanks in part to your name.

Fluttershy, along with Applejack, immediately went to your defense, claiming you weren’t capable of betraying their trust. They couldn’t say the same for their friend Sunset, however. It was perhaps the worst experience of your life, since you were still attacked until word got around that Sunset was supposedly Anon-A-Miss.

In the end, your mom had to send you to live with your aunt and uncle in the city for the entire holiday season until things died down. When you got back, obviously things haven’t quieted. You had a bit of mistrust with your friends, even Fluttershy, with how they treated Sunset. You could never quite walk down the halls without someone batting an eye at you, even when the true Anon-A-Miss exposed herself, and you could swear that Sunset hadn’t quite moved on from it too.

It took a while, but you and the others made up.

“No. He isn’t.” Twilight spoke up. You realized that you were lost in thought for about a minute.

“Oh, well, that’s a relief. I wasn’t really around for that, but I heard from my friends Vapor and Sky that things were pretty rough.” Angel Wings said.

“Yeah, it was…” You said.

“I’m… I’m sorry to bring up such an awkward topic. It’s just, your name and-” Angel Wings said.

“I know. It’s alright…” You began to frown.

“A-are you okay?” Her voice cracked just a bit. You struggled to nod and proceeded to walk to the place where you sat with Fluttershy. While the snow began to chill and wet your pants, you could still feel the grass prickle your hands as you pressed down on them with your glove. The chill breeze in the air cooled you down as you rested your back against the tree. You chuckled as you remembered considering carving a “A + F” inside of a heart, but didn’t go through with it out of Fluttershy’s concern for the tree. You exhaled and felt so relaxed. You saw Angel Wings and Twilight talk it out before the former left. Twilight then went over to you and sat down.

“Hey…” She said to you. You merely smiled back, then looked at the sky. Seemed to be pretty dark, what with the black clouds.

“It’s weird, right? I bumped into someone I met earlier… and she has almost the same shy attitude that...” You sighed. “It feels almost like a fairy tale, you know?”

“It’s not _that_ weird. I mean, I _did_ meet an alternate universe counterpart who happened to be a pony princess, after all.” Twilight said.

“True… Just… It feels weird.” You said. Just then, you heard thunder.

“Oh no! I just realized! There’s gonna be a blizzard tonight!” She said.

“Uuugh…” You groaned. Twilight got out her phone and looked up something.

“Yeah, it’s gonna be lasting the entire day and going into the night… I suppose that traffic’s gonna be a hassle…” She said. You nodded.

In situations like this where travel from the city to the town would be difficult, you and your friends have agreed to stay over Twilight’s house, much like how she would stay over Pinkie’s house should the reverse be true.

* * *

There was time to get to her house before the blizzard hit. There, Shining Armor and Cadance greeted you. Contrary to popular belief, Twilight’s parents weren’t dead. They were scientists working overseas. The story that her parents were dead spread about from a copycat Anon-A-Miss, who, unlike the true Anon-A-Miss, just made stories up to raise suspicion.

Thankfully, not all of the stories stuck and it was a much shorter time between the rumors being spread and the user being caught and suspended, but there was enough time for people to start questioning whether or not Twilight’s parents truly died. The facts _were_ there. Twilight lived with her brother and his fiancé and there was almost no mention of her parents whatsoever. Though, thanks to the fact that you and your friends went through this before, you sat down and had a discussion about this with Twilight, where she quickly debunked the rumors.

“Hey, how’s it going?” Cadance asked you. In a way, she was like a second mom to you. Hell, she was a second mom to almost every one of your friends, with her being the mom that Apple Bloom never had. Her presence calmed you, as she was well aware of your misfortune.

“It’s good. I met Dr. Glimmer today.” You said.

“That’s perfect! How was she?” She asked you.

“Nice. She… She really helped.” You smiled.

“It’s always good to see progress being made.” She said. That’s when Shining Armor entered the scene.

“Alright, the bed’s made. You ready?” He asked you.

“Yeah. Of course I am.” You said. You then glanced to Cadance.

“Night.” You said to her. She gave you a smooch on the cheek.

“Good night.” She said. You blushed, then tried to speed yourself past Shining Armor to avoid getting a dirty glare from him.

* * *

You slept through the night like a baby and went with Twilight back to school. As you walked during your spare time before your class, you saw a crowd gathering around. You rushed over to see what was going on.

You felt some shock as you saw the exact same scene play out. A girl heavily injured by a car, bleeding out from her injury. The only difference was that she was still alive.

And that it was Pinkie Pie.

“Pinkie!” You shouted, though you felt restrained.

**BEEEP BEEEEP BEEEEEP**

You saw an ambulance backing up… right to where Pinkie was.

You saw the tire aligned perfectly to her head. You realized what would happen next.

“STOP! HEY! STOP! THERE’S SOMEONE IN THE WAY! STOP!” You shouted, but no one seemed to listen to you. They just ignored you as the truck kept on moving. You could see Pinkie Pie reach her hand out to you, heavily breathing. You tried to reach out to her, only for the tire to roll over her fluffy pink hair. For a split second, you could see her head turn. “NOOOOO!” You screamed.

* * *

“Hey, wake up!” You felt your body shake as you opened your eyes.

“H-huh…” You saw Twilight on top of you with a concerned look in her eyes. You trembled as you struggled to get up, remembering what happened to Pinkie Pie. “Pinkie Pie! Is she…”

“What are you talking about? Pinkie Pie’s fine.” Twilight said. She then blinked before realizing what you were talking about. You exhaled, coming to the same conclusion as her. “You had a nightmare, didn’t you?” She asked.

“… Yeah.” You softly said. Twilight laid down next to you. The room was still dark, so there was still time to catch some z’s. You turned around as Twilight held you. “Pinkie Pie was going to die and I… I was unable to…” You couldn’t finish without crying a little.

“How many times has this happened?” She asked you.

“… I lost count.” You said. She frowned.

“When has this been happening?” She asked.

“… Since… Since…” She stroked your back as you cried into her chest. This was one of many painful nights, made only soothing by Twilight’s comfort.

“Why didn’t you tell me about this? Or the others?” She asked you.

“B-because… You saw how they were when they confronted me about it… I don’t want them to think that they need to coddle me every time I feel upset. And I don’t want them to think less of me because of my grief.” You said.

“It’s alright. We know how much you’re hurting. We _will_ help you through this. Don’t worry.” She told you. You merely just struggled to stop your sobbing, lest it would hurt your throat. Eventually, you fell asleep in her arms, your last thoughts before drifting off to sleep being if they really _could_ help you.


	3. We Were Just Pretending

The rain passed and you were able to go back to the town. School became a blur for you, especially when you purposefully blocked out all mentions of a certain dance that was coming up. As the final bell of the day rung and you began to pack up your belongings, you noticed someone next to you.

“Oh, Angel Wings, was it?” You asked as the pink-haired girl just nodded.

“Um… I just wanted to ask you…” Her voice waned a bit before she got out a greeting card. You took the card and saw a cupid shooting an arrow at two hearts. You saw her blush as you read what was essentially an invitation to…

The Valentine ’s Day dance.

You wanted to avoid that topic for this entire week, but something managed to bring it up anyways.

“You okay?” She asked you. It was just now that you noticed you were crying and you quickly wiped them.

“Y-yeah…” You took a moment to ask her. “Why me?”

“… Well…” She fidgeted. “I’m… new to this school. My mom moved here to be closer to the hospital and as such, I had to change schools… I haven’t been able to talk with anyone.”

“But… what about the soccer team?” You asked. She just shook her head.

“I never really,” her voice became whispery, “talked with them.”

“Oh.” You sighed. You remembered when _you_ were new in school. You were lost, confused, and friendless. The first person you ever talked to was…

Fluttershy.

You decided to do what she probably would have done for you back when _you_ were the new kid.

“If you’d like, I can take you there.” You said.

“R-Really!?” She gave you the biggest smile you have ever seen… Well, maybe not as big as Pinkie’s…

“Yeah… I… Don’t really have anyone to go with either.” You frowned.

“Then it’s settled! We’ll be a couple!” Your heart stung when she said that, but you just smiled and nodded.

“Well, I’ll see you at the dance…” You said. You finished packing and headed home.

* * *

As you were on your way home, you noticed Applejack at a kiosk across the street handing out papers. Intrigued and wanting to talk with her, you crossed the street and waved to Applejack.

“Hey, sugar cube.” She said.

“Hey, how’s it hanging?” You then noticed the pink sheets of paper. You recognized the stationary and its signature pink coloring as paper printed in the offices of the animal shelter that Fluttershy used to volunteer for. It didn’t sting you as much as you might have expected and instead gave you a warm smile.

“We’re raisin’ funds for the shelter’s renovations. I have a spare seat for ya if ya’d like.” She said. You smiled and nodded.

For the next hour or so, people passed by you as you offered papers to them. Few were interested and fewer chipped in. It wasn’t until someone came by that you managed to turn the situation around.

It was a woman, a rather beautiful one at that, with icy blue eyes and icier blue hair. She had a robe that covered her fair purple skin. You were pretty stunned by her appearance. So stunned in fact that you didn’t notice her take a paper from you.

“Hmmm…” She looked at it. “Wait a minute, I think I remember this place.” She giggled to herself. “Ah, I do! This was the place where I was asked to perform surgery on a dog when the vets weren’t able to.” She smiled. “I still remember that poor girl crying and begging me to save him.” You remembered that moment all too well.

It was the day when one of the dogs needed a delicate heart surgery that none of the vets were equipped to handle. One of them suggested Dr. Radiant Hope to do the surgery, though they were pessimistic over whether she’ll do surgery on a dog.

That’s when Fluttershy contacted her and had a long emotional cry, begging her to save the dog. She succeeded and the surgeon was convinced to perform the surgery.

Though that’s when you remembered what Fluttershy cried to her:

“ _I’d gladly trade my life for his if need be!_ ”

And that’s when you remembered her death.

“Wonder what she’s up to now…” Radiant Hope pondered.

“… She… She passed away.” You muttered.

“… Oh. Sorry to hear that…” She looked at you. “… You were close to her, weren’t you?”

“Huh? H-how did you-”

“You’re crying.” She stroked your cheek and wiped away the tear that you were not aware of.

“… Yeah… I… I used to date her before…” You couldn’t admit it, so you just cried. She then smiled and handed you a hundred dollar bill.

“Here. For the shelter. You have my condolences.” She said. Before she left, she turned to face you. “You really need to talk to people about you and her. Your heart’s really knotted up with all that emotion.” That was what she said to you before she left. You simply frowned as you stowed away the hundred dollar bill into the cash register.

“Whoo-whee, Anon, that bill was more than I could get today.” She said. You and her had a longing gaze at each other. A long, awkward silence that was soon broken with a ringing of Applejack’s phone.

“Oh, shoot! Granny’s wanting me back for supper!” She began to pack up her stuff as you helped her. “Thanks again for helping when you can…” She finished and began to run. That’s when you noticed she was about to cross the street with the crossing light blinking the stop sign. When shined in full you noticed a car about to go. In a brief moment, you thought about the dream about Pinkie Pie.

“WAIT!” You shouted as you ran to Applejack. You clutched her just as she was about to step onto the road. The car passed her at a rather slow speed. Your body trembled as you just held Applejack for a long time, at least until the light told her to walk. When you let go though, she just turned around and sulked. “S-sorry… I just…” That’s when Applejack just grabbed you, your head shoved right into her body. As if in response, you began to cry. Applejack just kept quiet and let you sob.

“This can’t keep goin’ on like this, Anon…” Applejack just said.

“You hate me, don’t you?” You cried.

“Huh? What are ya talkin’ about?” She asked.

“I just keep crying about her… I’m _trying_ to move on, but I can’t.” You remembered how Applejack tackled you and grappled you until you cried the first time she confronted you on Fluttershy’s death. Then came Christmas time where you refused to come out of your room and Applejack had to bust in with her strength. “And… You hate me… You and everyone else.”

“W-what? What makes ya think that?” Applejack asked.

“Y… You had Twilight take me to a shrink. You’ve set Pinkie Pie up with me so I’d feel better… But… I… I can’t just do it! I can’t move on!”

“… I didn’t have anything to do with that. They did it on their own volition.” Applejack said.

“I just wanna go back to a happy place! Back when you guys weren’t pretending to like me.” It took a moment of crying before Applejack got what you meant. You remembered when they staged an intervention in the form of a party and that was likely what you meant when you said that.

“I’m sorry…” She knelt onto the ground and took you onto her lap as you continued to cry. “I just… I see myself in you when you’re grievin’. I loved my parents more than anyone in my family, so when they died, I… I just got angry a lot. I was so angry at the world that I took it out on my family. And Big Mac… Well, he shut down like you did. It wasn’t until we had to talk about it in group therapy that we managed to move on.” She held you and stroked your back. “I… I don’t mean to be rude… I just want you not to end up like me…” She began to cry as well. You two cried for a bit before you noticed a white Sedan pull up.

“Applejack?” You and Applejack heard Rarity speaking from the car window. Immediately, you and her got up. “I was just driving home and I couldn’t help but notice you two. You need a lift?” She asked. Applejack and you nodded.

* * *

You laid down at the back of Rarity’s car as she drove to Applejack’s first. You could over hear some conversation regarding what happened at the crosswalk and your brief meltdown, as well as the Valentine’s Day dance. It’s pretty clear that Applejack and Rarity would go to the dance together. A lot of people considered them a cute couple.

You didn’t really care. You just decided to let the car ride rock you to sleep. Though the car went to a complete halt just as you were about to drift off.

“Hang on, darling, I have something for you.” You noticed Applejack was out of the car. Had you wiped out long enough for Rarity to drop off Applejack and drive all the way back to her place? You stayed in the car as Rarity ran to go get whatever it was she wanted to show you. Your head began to throb as you tried to wake up. It had been a short while before Rarity came back. She opened your door and gently placed something in. You immediately rested your head against it.

It seemed soft and pillowy, with the texture being smooth and fuzzy, almost akin to fur. You looked up and noticed that it was a plushy about a head or two larger than you made of yellow fuzz. The plushy was made in the shape of a pony. A smile came on your face when you saw the hair on the cute pony’s head was similar to that of Fluttershy’s.

Instantly, you cuddled with it, shedding some tears onto the fuzz.

“I knew you’d love it, darling. I had meant to give it to you as a Christmas present, but I was delayed. Merry Belated Christmas…” She said.

“You shouldn’t have…” You didn’t say it in an upset tone, but rather a confused tone.

“Anon… You’ve suffered so much pain and sorrow. I _had_ to give you something to ease the pain. I can’t bring back Fluttershy, but I can at least create something _similar_ to her.” She said. You just smiled.

“Thanks…” Rarity then proceeded to drive you home.

* * *

When you got home, Rarity helped you with moving the plushy into the house. You had to explain to your mom that the pony is just a stuffed animal what with how realistic it was, but other than that, it was pretty good.

As soon as Rarity left, you simply went to bed with the Fluttershy plushy. That’s when your mom came into your room.

“Anon, how are you feeling?” She asked you.

“… Better. I hope.” You said to her.

“You have some good friends, at least.” Your mom smiled as she stroked your hair.

“Mom… Do you think I’ve been lingering too much on Fluttershy?” You asked.

“…” Your mom never gave an answer, but her hesitance definitely implied that you _were_. “Everyone grieves at their own pace. Some people get over losses in about a week while others are just unable to move on.”

“… Am I gonna be the latter, mom?” You asked before shedding some tears.

“No. No one will let you be like that. You have support from me, your friends, and your family. You’re not alone.” She said.

“…” You hummed a bit. You really wanted that to be the case. That your friends will help you out of your rut. But you just thought back to Fluttershy’s body being placed in the body bag. You thought of your friends staging that intervention. You thought of how, even after you placed that letter, you still felt lingering feelings. Your mom left you as you began to doze off, thinking of just one thing to yourself:

After yesterday, is there any way you can trust tomorrow?


	4. We Fixed Our World

For the first time, you’ve been able to look at the butterfly patterns on the soccer players’ shorts and did _not_ feel any bit of sadness. You were instead smiling. This was progress. What might have helped was the plush pony you were given by Rarity. Your snuggle with it helped relieve a lot of tension in your body, though calling the plushy “Fluttershy” felt awkward. You’ve shortened it to “Flutters” instead.

You waved Angel Wings over as you saw her with Rainbow Dash. She jogged to you and waved back.

“Hey, Anon! You’re feeling better!” She said.

“Yeah. Excited for the dance tomorrow?” You asked her. She nodded.

“Yeah! Oh! Um… Are we gonna be holding hands?” She asked you.

“Of course!” You said without any hesitation.

“That’s good.” She blushed. Her eyes then turned to Rainbow Dash as she kicked a soccer ball with such force that you heard where her shoe connected with the rubber. The ball catapulted right into the goal. “Y-you think she’s upset?” Angel Wings asked.

“No… Why do you think that?”

“That girl they dedicated this season to, Fluttershy… I’ve been keeping up with the team since I moved, and I couldn’t help but notice Rainbow Dash tear up during her dedication speech.” She said. You felt a little upset with this, but you struggled to talk normally.

“Yeah, she and Rainbow go way back.” Your voice sounded wistful, removed of any happiness you had.

“No. It’s… more than just that.” She pointed to Rainbow Dash. “Watch, carefully…” You saw Rainbow Dash run to the ball and kicked it.

**WHAM!**

The ball flew even higher and hit the top bar. Rainbow Dash gave a pained grunt as she leaped in the air and kicked over her head, propelling the ball right into the goal.

“She’s putting a lot of force into her kicks, way more than a supposed soccer pro would put.” Angel Wings said.

“Well, she’s…” You tried to say, ‘upset at losing Fluttershy’, but you soon realized the implications of that. Rainbow Dash had seemingly moved on from her death, much faster than you, which was weird considering how Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash were childhood friends. You chalked it up to the fact that you loved Fluttershy and thus you were hurt the most, but even so, you only knew Fluttershy for four years whereas Rainbow Dash knew her for at least thrice that. The fact that tomorrow was the day of the Valentine’s Day dance, the first one since Fluttershy passed, had you realize there’s more to this story.

“I’ll talk with her.” You got up and walked over to Rainbow Dash. “Hey! Dash! When you’re done, can we talk?” You asked.

“Yeah, yeah…” She scoffed. Huh, she’s pretty crabby, you thought. You walked back to Angel Wings.

“Don’t worry, I’ll help her out.” You said.

“Please do… She’s my favorite player in the entire city.” Angel Wings then blushed as she said that. She was so adorable that you blushed as well.

* * *

You waited for Dash outside the girl’s locker room. Your happiness had drained drastically, and you trembled in anticipation. You knew the conversation with Dash will end in tears, but you weren’t sure who’d be shedding the most.

The door slammed open as Rainbow Dash looked at you.

“What’s up?” She asked.

“Hey… So, I got a date for the Valentine’s Day dance.” You said.

“H-huh!?” Rainbow Dash blinked.

“Yeah. You know that new player, Angel Wings?”

“No way!” Rainbow Dash smiled, which only left you a little confused. You were prepared to cry, but instead, you cracked a smile.

“Yeah way! Well, I asked her out-”

“You what!?” There was a brief pause as Rainbow’s eyes widened. You hesitated, thinking you did something wrong, but Rainbow Dash just playfully punched your arm. “That’s great! Here _we_ were, worried you’d come to the dance without one, and you managed to snag yourself a cutie! I’m proud of you.” You bit your lip. As much as it’s nice to feel happy, you _must_ address the elephant in the room.

“And _you_?” You said.

“Oh, yeah, well,” her eyes shifted a bit, “I’m gonna be running the guest list so I’m not gonna be dancing all that much.” That would have been the end of the conversation. You’d leave Rainbow Dash and go about your day carefree.

But you must probe.

“So, you don’t have anyone for the dance?”

“…” She sighed. “Nah, but why would it matter? Only Applejack, Rarity, and Twilight have their dates arranged. Pinkie and I are gonna solo this one out.”

“Oh! Yeah! Pinkie! Well, you could have her for the dance if push comes to shove.” You said.

“Yeeeeaaaah, but I don’t consider Pinkie to be a very close friend. Well, not the kind of friend I’d want to go dating… Oh! Speaking of, I should let Pinkie know that she doesn’t have to date you anymore.” She then took out her phone.

“W-wait, what?!” You raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah. We discussed arranging you a date with Pinkie for the dance, but now that you’ve asked Angel Wings out, that won’t be necessary.” Rainbow Dash texted to Pinkie.

“… You… were gonna set me up with Pinkie?” You asked. It now made sense why Pinkie had recently begun to visit you.

“Nah, we’d originally have Twilight do it, but Pinkie volunteered as soon as we suggested it.” Rainbow Dash said. And _that_ explained her hesitance around Twilight.

“No. You’re missing my point. You wanted me to date someone else?” You then began to glare. Rainbow Dash just sighed and put away her phone.

“Yes. We were worried about you. This is the first Valentine’s Day since-”

“I know _damn_ well what it is!” You stomped your foot. Rainbow Dash just looked at you.

“No, see, _that’s_ why we decided to try and hook you up with someone. You can’t even _talk_ about the dance without being angry about it. Well, how do you suppose _I_ feel!?” Rainbow Dash shouted back so loudly, you froze. You began to think about what she said when you first broke down about Fluttershy after her funeral.

“ _I know it might be a shock, but I think I took the news harder than you did. I mean, you just shut down. I, on the other hand, couldn’t go one conversation without getting angry for a couple of days._ ”

“You loved Fluttershy…” You said. It took a moment for those three words to impact _both_ of you, though the first sign of that impact was Rainbow Dash shedding a few tears.

“Yeah… I was always jealous of the way she looked at you. I wanted her to look at me that same way,” she smiled a bit as she blushed, “but she wasn’t into girls and just saw me as her childhood friend.”

“… I’m sorry.” You said. Rainbow Dash just shook her head.

“When she died, I had to bottle it up because _you_ were having it worse apparently. Oh, woe is me! You lost your girlfriend! NEWS FLASH, YA DINGUS! Before she was _your_ close friend, she was _mine_! It’s… It’s not fair. I should be more upset than you, but no! I’m not allowed to be upset because we’re busy helping _you_ not get upset!” As she said that, you trembled and began to cry. “See? You’re getting upset now over what I said!” She glared at you. “I can’t say _anything_ about Fluttershy around you without you starting the water works! You’re like a freaking minefield!” You decided to turn tail and rush off. “YEAH! RUN, YOU FREAKING WUSS!” After that, you heard her wail.

* * *

You ran as far as you could from the school grounds, stopping only short at the road where the bus would come. You saw the speedbumps, how their black tar-like substance stood out from the gray road, their bright yellow plastic Lego-like bumps a contrast to the fading yellow segmented lines on the road. This road was the constant reminder of what you lost and now, a reminder of what _Rainbow Dash_ lost and how she is unable to cope with it.

It’s all your fault. Because you can’t focus on anything without crying about Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash had to suck it up and make you comfortable. Applejack had to force you into crying to even _acknowledge_ you had a problem. Rarity had to waste time and money into making a stuffed animal just so you’d feel better. Pinkie had to date you because she worried you’d move onto Twilight. Twilight had to get her shrink involved just to keep your sanity intact.

Everyone had to bend over backwards just to please and satisfy you. You’ve robbed them of their happiness just so that you can _try_ to move on from Fluttershy. However, you just kept going to the same point. You lost Fluttershy. There’s no fixing it. Your life was torn, tattered, and had every hope shattered. You were damaged.

Far too damaged.

You looked at the road. Counted the cars that passed by. One. Two. Three. Seems they come every fifteen seconds or so. You continued to count, but this time, you counted _down_.

_Ten…_

Your mom could rest easier without having to hear you have night terrors.

_Nine_ …

Mrs. Harshwhinny would go about her teaching without having to scold you for sleeping in class.

_Eight_ …

Dr. Glimmer wouldn’t need to trouble herself with you.

_Seven…_

Twilight Sparkle can get her sessions in without having to piggy back off yours.

_Six…_

Applejack won’t have to pretend to be happy.

_Five…_

Rainbow Dash can grieve properly.

_Four_ …

Pinkie Pie would be able to date Twilight Sparkle without having to worry.

_Three…_

Rarity can spend her money on the things she needs.

You saw a car ready to pass…

_Two…_

Sunset Shimmer wouldn’t have to arrange anymore interventions.

You put one foot closer to the edge of the road…

_One…_

You’ll finally be with Fluttershy.

**VROOOOM!**

You fell onto the grass as you heard the car speed by. You felt restrained as somebody was behind you.

“WHAT THE FUCK, ANON!?” Sunset Shimmer shouted. Your body became hollow, like you were looking through the empty shell of a man, as you mentally asked yourself that same question. You moved your head, looking onto the road where you saw the cars pass by. You trembled and began to realize what you had tried to do.

You struggled not to break down into tears, especially after what Rainbow Dash said to you, but you couldn’t. For a brief moment in your life, you tried to kill yourself. For a brief moment, you were _convinced_ that what you were doing would benefit everyone. That you did not matter. That everything would be much better when you’re gone.

But you knew deep down this was all far from the truth. And you _hated_ yourself for thinking otherwise.

You burst into tears as Sunset just held you.

“I’m sorry! I’m an idiot! I hate myself! I want to die!” You cried out.

“No. You’re wrong.” Sunset took the time to stroke your hair, which helped calm you down significantly.

“I… I’m just a burden.” You said.

“You’re not. You’re a very good friend.” She replied.

“No! You hate me! Everyone hates me! I just drag everyone down!”

“We don’t hate you-”

“Rainbow Dash hates me! She’s not allowed to mourn for Fluttershy because of me!”

“Anon, we’re going through this in our own ways. Some of us have moved on, but others like Rainbow Dash and you… Well, not every wound heals in time…” Sunset paused a bit. “There was a time where I was still traumatized after the Anon-A-Miss incident. I began to think that my friends were only pretending to _be_ friends with me, worried that I’ll accidentally upset another student and lead them on some quest to destroy me or my reputation, and afraid to even go to school. One night at my home, when the weather was very cold, I just decided to go out in my pajamas and just… sit in the cold. I shivered, but I stayed, convincing myself that everyone would be better if I would freeze in the cold,” Sunset looked down and frowned, “Fluttershy found me not too long after I blacked out. She was walking one of the dogs at the clinic. Had she been a minute or two later, I would have…” Sunset cried.

You couldn’t find any sort of words to say to her. At the very least, you now knew why Sunset was sick with pneumonia when you came back from your vacation. You instead held her as she cried. Eventually, she stopped.

“I know exactly what you’re going through after that intervention, thinking that your friends will attack you the moment you step out of line, but we’re only trying to help you.” Sunset said.

“At the expense of your happiness.” You said.

“We’re mourning in our own way. For instance,” she smiled, “opening up to you about my own attempt has helped me appreciate Fluttershy more. In a way, it helps me mourn. Rarity was able to find closure in Fluttershy’s death by making that plush pony for you and Twilight was able to talk more freely about Fluttershy after your visit with Dr. Glimmer. Pinkie Pie and Applejack had already moved on and are trying to help you...”

“And Rainbow Dash?” With that, Sunset frowned.

“She’s probably the only other person who hasn’t moved on. She might sound like she’s accepted her death, but really, she’s still as upset as you are. She’s just better at hiding it.” She said. You then shook your head and struggled to get up.

“Then… I… I need to help her.” You said. Sunset just looked at you and blinked.

“How?” Sunset asked. You looked back to the road and remembered the crowd surrounding the site of Fluttershy’s death. The paramedics carrying away her body as the man who ran her over had cuffs slammed on his wrists. You then remembered what Applejack said about how Big Mac and her struggled with moving on from their parents’ death and how they managed to fix that.

Soon, more memories swirled in your head. The nightmare of Pinkie dying, your panic attack when crossing the road with Applejack, your constant breaking down into tears, and just now, your attempt. With all those memories swirling in your head, you realized what must be done in order to heal the damage in your life.

“… I need to move on from Fluttershy’s death and help her do the same.”


End file.
